They promised us “the revolution would not be televised.”
That’s good, because if it was, I’d probably miss it.
I have never been a huge fan on television. It’s not that I have any particular intellectual objections to it — I’m not one of those people who will bombard you with proclamations that I prefer reading or doing anything else more high-brow than sitting in front of the “idiot box” — it’s just that I have never found that many shows of interest to me.
Apparently, I’m missing out on quite a bit.
It seems as though I can’t peruse my social media feeds these days — See? I told you I wasn’t spending my time in more scholarly pursuits instead of watching television — without finding out I’ve missed some sort of major, life-altering event on one of the popular shows of the day.
I haven’t seen any of them.
I know “Game of Thrones” has something to do with sword fights and dragons, but that’s about it. “The Walking Dead” has zombies in it and there’s a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire somewhere in the show, but if my life ever depended on me answering trivia questions about the show, I would not be long for this world. And apparently there used to be a show called “Breaking Bad” that had a had a teacher that became a drug dealer in it, but that’s truly taxing the extent of my knowledge of the show.
I’ve never watched “The Wire” or “Grey’s Anatomy” or any of the 30 trillion shows about crime scene investigations. I haven’t a clue what “Friends” was supposed to be about and have no idea who was dating whom. I’ve seen a handful of “Seinfeld” episodes, but only when I was in the process of falling asleep on the couch. I couldn’t tell you the latest winner of “American Idol,” “Survivor” “American’s Got Talent,” or “Dancing With the Stars.”
Truthfully, I don’t even know if any of those shows even exist anymore — and really don’t care one way or the other if they do or do not.
All of this, seemingly, makes me somewhat of a social pariah. Whenever people start talking about one of these popular at work — which seemingly happens ad infinitum around here — I sort of get this glazed look in my eye and walk away as my coworkers shake their head sympathetically at the guy who apparently doesn’t watch anything good on television.
I was never a big fan of television to begin with, but my viewing habits have only continued to dwindle as I have gotten older. It’s to the point now where the only television shows I watch on any sort of regular basis are pro wrestling, college football and “King of the Hill” reruns. Last year I started watching “Designated Survivor” and enjoyed it quite a bit, but we’ll see how long that lasts. If history bears itself out, I probably won’t make it past the second or third season.
Even televised sports that aren’t college football hold very little interest for me anymore. I understand that sounds like an odd statement coming from a person who has been a sports writer for the past quarter of a century, but the fact of the matter is that after watching and writing about sports all day long, the last thing I usually want to do when I come home is be inundated with more sports — particularly ones played by people I don’t know and about whom I don’t really care.
I imagine it’s kind of like a chef who cooks all day long, then hits up the drive thru on the way home because he or she is finished cooking for the day.
Part of the problem, I suppose, is the fact I usually don’t hear about popular television shows until about the second or third season, since I pay very little attention to what is going on in the television world. By the time I find out a show is popular, I figure I’ve missed too much to ever catch up. Apparently there’s a thing called “binge watching,” which allows viewers to watch hours upon hours of shows consecutively on things such as Netflix and Hulu.
Seriously? Who has that kind of time in their lives? I guess I’d rather live in blissful ignorance than sit still for 12 hours watching a show I didn’t care about in the first place.
Of course, if folks want to continue watching these shows, that’s their prerogative. If watching these shows makes them happy, then I guess the world is a slightly better place.
But not for me, thank you very much. I’ll just be sitting over here waiting for the revolution. Or watching a “Wonder Years” rerun. Whichever comes on first.
Reach David Fong at firstname.lastname@example.org; follow him on Twitter @thefong