Give some people a million dollars and they’ll complain about the taxes they’ll have to pay.
Give them a Ferrari and they’ll complain about gas and insurance.
Give them Michelango’s David and they’ll say he needs to put on some clothes.
In other words, you are always going to find someone who is willing to complain about something — and, in the age of social media, in which keyboard warriors reign supreme — they’ll usually manage to be a complete jerk while doing it.
Which brings us to Lady Gaga.
Last Sunday, the pop star performed at halftime of the Super Bowl, giving a performance that was nearly universally beloved by all who watched it. She jumped off the top of the stadium and rode wires down to the field. She danced flawlessly in high-heeled boots. She bounced around the stage tirelessly, then closed the show by jumping off the stage and catching a football so perfectly that, if he saw it, Tom Brady would probably invite her to join the team in New England.
Oh, and she did it all while maintaining perfect pitch — no lip-synching for her, which puts her head and shoulders above most performers these days — throughout the entire show.
In the immediacy following her tour de force, many were proclaiming it one of the greatest halftime performances in Super Bowl history.
Then, the idiots just had to have their say.
Before the confetti had even settled on the field, people had fired up their social media accounts to point out that Lady Gaga — who performed in a bare midriff — had, in their eyes, a ring of belly fat exposed during the show.
Everyone who Tweeted, Facebooked, Instagrammed or whatevered this thought needs to worry about their own fat — namely, the mass amounts they have between their ears.
For starters — and let’s clear up this notion right away — the assertion that Lady Gaga is in any way fat is laughable at best, ludicrous at worst. She is an athletic, natural-looking woman. I have seen pictures of her alleged belly fat and I can pretty much assure you that my belly fat has its own belly fat that is larger than anything Lady Gaga has on her belly.
Anybody complaining about fat on Gaga is full of caca.
I have to wonder what sort of messages we are sending young women — many of whom spend, you know, lots of time on social media where they can see these bone-headed comments — of this country? Isn’t body-shaming in this nation enough of a problem already? Are we telling them that being anything other than a size 2 — not that there’s anything wrong with that, because skinny-shaming is every bit as despicable as fat-shaming — is something that should held up for public ridicule?
Is it any wonder girls have self-esteem issues when they read and hear this sort of drivel? Can we really act surprised the horrors of eating disorders exist? Here we have a fit, beautiful woman give an absolutely show-stopping performance — I wonder how many folks bashing her on Twitter could sing and dance in six-inch heels in front of billions of people — and all we can talk about is a perceived ring of belly fat?
And let’s just say, for the sake of argument, Lady Gaga had been a bigger person? (Which, I would again like to point out, she is not). What if she was — medically speaking — grossly overweight? Would that have made her voice any less melodic? Would that have made her performance — with all the dancing, fireworks and showmanship — any less a visual treat for the eyes.
Lady Gaga put on an incredible show — who cares how she looked? When the birthday party is over, the wrapping paper gets wadded up and thrown away — it’s what is on the inside that counts, folks.
Dear Lord, I hope I never write an award-winning story and have someone think, “Well, I enjoyed this story about the football team, but it sure would be nice if Fong laid off the pressbox hot dogs … man, is he fat.”
Of course, that probably already happens, because some people out there will always find something about which to complain.
And some people will always be jerks.
Reach David Fong appears at firstname.lastname@example.org; follow him on Twitter @thefong