I predict for 2014…
That most of us will not stay up until midnight on New Year’s Eve.
That several well-known celebrities will say something for which they will have to apologize.
That several of those celebrities will have to apologize for something they said in their apology.
That some pop stars will do something so offensive that it will make them rich beyond their wildest dreams.
That there will be unrest in the Middle East. Oh, yeah, and Asia, too. Africa’s not looking too good, either. Europe is toast. Do I even have to mention Central America?
The stock market will go up, then down, then up again and then down and up just a little bit and then way down until it totally recovers and ends the year with some stocks going up a lot and some going down a lot.
There will be several giant recalls of food for one reason or another. Several well-known people will die unexpectedly.
Winter will be colder than summer.
There will be a bunch of natural disasters.
Some of the biggest stars in Hollywood will appear in the biggest bombs of the year.
That there will be a “Trial of the Century,” just as there is every year.
Someone in the British royal family will make the news by doing something the rest of us do every day. As in “Prince William washes the dishes!”
Now that piercings and tattoos don’t shock anyone, teenagers will adopt some new headshaking trend, like having their front teeth removed on purpose.
Lots of people will get swindled on the internet by scams that have been around for years. Several celebrity couples will have babies which supermarket tabloids will report as if this were the first pregnancy in the history of the Earth.
A famous athlete will say or do something stupid. Again. And again.
There will be several new reality shows that make the Kardashians and “Duck Dynasty” seem like Shakespeare.
Someone will suggest making “Breaking Bad, The Musical!” on Broadway. That someone will be me.
That it will still take three hours to make at home the same things TV chefs do in five minutes.
That your sixty inch TV will start to look smaller and smaller each time you visit a big box store.
That college tuition will continue to rise leaving students with even less money for binge drinking.
That someone will lose their job by Tweeting something stupid.
There will be week long reports of the coming “Storm of the Century” that won’t amount to much. But there will be a couple that will. That once again, Anderson Cooper will be seen doing his best Marcel Marceau imitation in a hurricane.
That “nado” will be added to “gate” and “geddon” as the suffix to many news stories to make them sound more horrible than they are. That all the sports teams I follow will all crash and burn in new and unforeseeable ways. And then they will raise the price of their season tickets.
That some team will wildly overpay an underperforming athlete. Fans and sportswriters will be outraged because the guy didn’t turn down the $100 million — they way they would have.
Contact Jim Mullen at JimMullenBooks.com.