Earlier this week, Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his home in Pennsylvania and proudly declared an early spring is in our forecast.
But don’t you wish Phil could predict something more interesting like the Super Bowl winner or maybe the outcome of the Presidential March Primary?
Maybe here in Troy, Ohio, we could have our own native rodent predict the outcome of something trivial just for publicity sake. Have you seen the publicity that this groundhog gets one day a year? Troy could really capitalize on this somehow.
Maybe we could be the hometown of the Official Presidential Primary Squirrel. We could place acorns with the names of all the Presidential candidates around the city park. Then we could release Sammy the Squirrel from its nest around March 1.
Whatever nut our Presidential Primary Squirrel picks up and brings to his nest would become the favorite. May the best nut win.
I think this idea is about as politically correct as we can get especially with this particular batch of candidates we are stuck with this year.
We also could try to do the same thing with “County Candidate Cow Chips” here in Miami County if you want to put a local spin on this game. First, we’ll need to grab some fence, etch out some squares, grab a heifer and, well, wait. In the meantime, grab a Cattleman Association’s steak sandwich and see which candidate the unbiased cow picks as we all enjoy an hour or two politicking on the Courthouse lawn. Free fertilizer for the courthouse flower beds afterwards, too.
Hey, it would get people talking wouldn’t it?
Anyhow, I’ve manage to somehow avoid all the preliminary Presidential Primary debates for about as long as I possibly could. In my defense, I was just waiting for the herd to thin out a bit. Now that the low-hanging fruit has been picked, I guess I need to start brushing up on my options.
And oh boy, there are plenty of colorful options.
In fact, I’m actually looking forward to this evening’s Republican debate in New Hampshire. It will be the first one I’ve managed to stomach, I mean, watch so far this year.
The top three finishers from Iowa will be there to join the top six in the Granite State. (We sure get a lot of flack for our state’s nickname, but I guess it beats being named after kitchen counter-tops!)
So in order to make my first Presidential Primary debate more interesting I’ve decided to make a game out of it.
Instead of the usually “Debate Drinking Game” I’d like to put my own healthier twist on this classic with the debut of the “Sweatin’ to the GOPs: Republican Debate Challenge.”
First, select your candidate. We’ve got Donald Trump, Senator Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz in the Top 3. Then we have our very own John Kasich, Dr. Ben Carson, Jeb Bush, and Chris Christie.
For example, every time Trump says “Make America Great Again” do five fist pumps with each arm; Marco Rubio says “traditional values” do five push-ups; and when Ted Cruz says “citizenship” do five lunges, etc.
Now we’ll select a few “Community Words.” For this particular debate, I suggest using “The Polls,” “Trade Agreement” and “Economy.” Each time one of these community words are used, all participants must do two burpees.
So, grab your friends, a towel and a pair of sweats, a lot of water and make sure you do a few stretches before tonight’s debate.
Whoever is the last man standing wins! Now pass me the Advil, I’m going to feel it tomorrow.
“Twin” Melanie Yingst appears weekly in the Troy Daily News. She’ll only vote for Trump if he stops at K’s Hamburgers for a burger and a milkshake.